Wisdom or bliss? That is the question!

I have just been reading about wisdom:  The acquisition of wisdom, its attributes and the benefits of its application.

Not sure if that a was wise thing to do – I feel stupider than ever.  Probably should have been grocery shopping, or dusting or something with more tangible rewards.

A word to the wise:  Don’t bother with all that “evolving” rigmarole.  Read a good Sherlock Holmes story instead.  Then you can go around deducing and annoying your friends.  From what I’ve learned, that’ll work just as well as so-called “wisdom.”

Of course there are studies of wisdom.  Research on the concept.  Somebody thought it would be fun and somebody else funded it.

White-coated lab geeks have furrowed their brows and made notes on their clipboards over who is the most sage, how s/he got that way and if there’s a convincing method of faking it.  (No, not really.  I was just hoping, that’s all.)

They came to some noteworthy conclusions:

First and perhaps most irritating of all, there is no correlation between age and wisdom. 

If that doesn’t make an old person feel foolish, well…

I mean, having paced myself all these years, waiting for wisdom to catch up with me, I’m more than a little miffed to learn that instead of settling around me, bestowing an aura of ascendency, wisdom apparently zoomed past me quite a while ago, most likely during my tie-dye stage.

And what?  We’re supposed to listen to young people now?! 

It’s OK though.  Really.  It’s perfect.  I’ll just plod along in my humdrum way with all the other Slowskis, oblivious, but full of opinions and ready to share.

No worries, right? 

Which brings us to a second conclusion reached by our intrepid researchers:  Wisdom does not necessarily lead to happiness.


So I say why bother?  It must be depressing for a preeminently learned person to confront all the witlessness s/he encounters each day!  I mean, what’re you going to do?  If you keep setting people straight, imparting your knowledge all over town, it won’t be long before you have no one to play with.

I mean, to paraphrase my grandpa, nobody likes a “smart donkey,” right?

And here’s the clincher, research says that the wise person seeks to understand other people and their behavior rather than judging them.

Well where’s the fun in that?  The way I see it, God wouldn’t have given us Toronto Mayor Rob Ford if He didn’t want us to feel superior to SOMEONE. 

For Pete’s sake!  If we can’t look down on Lindsay Lohan from a lofty position of self-righteousness, then…then…

Or Miley Cyrus or Charlie Sheen!  Come on!

What are we normal schmos supposed to do when our egos need a little boost?  Analyze?  Show compassion?  Empathize?  Intone, “There but for fortune go I?” 

Well I refuse!  I always hated that uppity grammar anyway.

Nope.  If I can’t have wisdom I’m going to make the most of my lack.  I’m going to work my obtuse angle.  I’ll be the best ignoramus you can find! 

Oh.  Wait a minute.  That didn’t come out like I thought it would.

What I meant to say is, I don’t want to live on the mountain top or in the ivory tower or wherever all those wise guys hang out anyway.  I’ve heard it’s lonely up there.  And all that serenity!  It’s not my style.


I’ll just be here at home, watching TMZ.

Cyber-Loafing Monday Blues

So I was hanging out on Cyber-Loafing Monday, you know, just loafing.  In cyberspace.  It’s not like the old days when we loafed on weekends in the back yard, in our swimsuits with the sprinklers on.   

Now, we do our idling of time surreptitiously, under the cloak of a business suit and a laptop, in the cloud.  If you have your computer facing the right direction, you can fool a lot of people into believing you’re working on what - the “Jones report”?  Right.  But not to worry.  They’re probably loafing too. 

Evidently enough folks arrived at work last Monday, got their coffee, logged on, and went directly to wasting time, that researchers detected a surge in web surfing, a disturbance in the force, as it were.  (I wonder if they said, “Surf’s up!”)   

This weakness in our work ethic is attributed to sleep deprivation brought on by the spring-ahead impact of Daylight Savings Time.  But before we get too down on ourselves, let’s think about this.  First of all, who are these “researchers”?  Who documents all those clicks of mice?  Mark Zuckerberg?  I wouldn’t put it past him.  And let me just say, that those who are doing this kind of tracking of slackers are no better than those whom they impugn!  Me hopes I doth not protest too much. 

Honestly, which spy nerds in what dark room are charged with noting that each year, the Monday after implementation of Daylight Savings Time, we exert more effort surfing the web than engaging in the work we’re paid for?  One could argue that that monitoring itself constitutes cyber-loafing in its purest form.  

These phenomenon geeks go on to tell us what we already know but won’t confess - that the bulk of our furtive frivolity is frittered away on entertainment sites!  Translated:  We’re catching up on celebrity gossip!  

Only to prove my point, and for the credibility of this writing, I took a few moments this morning to explore the trend, for my readers’ sake.  Here you have it: TMZ reports that Jermaine Jones is off “Idol” for concealing his criminal record; Charlize Theron has adopted a baby boy; Oliver Stone, Chuck Norris, and Snoop Dog are all supporting Republican candidates; and a poll reveals that Americans think the top three most overpaid in their fields are Kim Kardashian, LeBron James, and Snooki.  And their fields would be reality TV, professional basketball, and vacuous immaturity. 

OMG.  That is a waste of time. 

Anyway, it’s great to have Cyber Loafing Monday formally anointed.  Now we can mark our calendars and do it again next year!  It may not be baseball, but it’s a pastime. 

Since the practice of naming new habits and linking them to days of the week is open for the entrepreneur, I have some suggestions for the remaining weekdays that may resonate with the desperately deskbound:  How about “Angry Birds Tuesday”?  Come on!  You know who you are! 

“Solitaire Wednesday”?  “Talk like a Thug Thursday.”  (Am I trying too hard?)  OK – “Fandango Friday”!  It’s prep for “Cinema Saturday.”  

And thanks to the World Wide Web, whenever we’re in search of a reason to celebrate we need go no further than the special days-of-the-month calendar available online.  This much-needed resource offers an array of parties-in-the-making seeking dedicated party planners and causes awaiting their champions.  

For example we just missed a salute to hiking gear: March 14^th - International Fanny Pack Day.   

My sentimental side speculates that a sweet and tolerant husband somewhere memorialized March 31^st as "National She's Funny That Way" Day.  

Making the most of these newfound tools, I’m trying to envision a way to celebrate Elvis’s birthday, January 8^th, in conjunction with April 11th - "International Louie Louie Day."  On second thought, it’s probably best not to envision such a thing. 

Respecting the value of global relations, April 26^th commemorates “Hug an Australian Day.”  Appropriate to our traditional income tax deadline we find that April 15^th also marks “Take a Wild Guess Day.”  And, in the realm of public service announcements: April 24th – “National Hairball Awareness Day,” a venerated occasion in the Plath household.  

At last.  I’ve got it!  Here it is:  The pushback from Cyber-Loafing Monday:  “Get a Geek into the Sunlight Sunday.” 

Mark your calendar.  It’s got legs.