Showing posts with label The Shining. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Shining. Show all posts

Friday, July 17, 2015

A puppy by any other name


We have done our best.  And yet.

Believe me; we are as surprised as you might be if you could see our deck – Dewey’s hangout.  It looks like a hillbilly’s front yard! 

A quick survey of the surroundings includes sundry items, chewed nearly, but not quite, into oblivion:  rebar, boat dock bumpers (small and very large), sticks from twigs to tree branches, rocks and concrete chips, loquat pits, rags – that is, a shredded T-shirt and what was formerly known as a hand towel – two crimped water bottles and a pistol-grip hose nozzle entangled with plant matter.  

A cluster of gnats now dizzies around the door.

A chair cushion has been repurposed as an attack dog training dummy.  Thrashed into submission, it lies in crumpled defeat near the gate.  The fleece doggie bed?  Relocated to his secret stash under the potting shed with his actual doggie chew toys – untouched – along with other items of little interest to his pure puppy brain. 

This back-woodsy scene lacks only bent aluminum lawn chairs with frayed nylon webbing, spent beer cans, crushed cigarettes and a still.



We owe it all to Dewey.

He’s four months old now – four and a half – all legs.  And feet.  And joie de’vivre.  It’s early to be making pronouncements.  I know.  But yeesh!

Maybe his name is having undue influence on his personality.  “Dewey” rose to the top of the list of possible puppy names, for two reasons:  First, we liked it.  The sound of it.  The fact that we didn’t know any other dogs named Dewey.  (Even though we loved Beau, we had to acknowledge that he was one among a legion of Beaus – all good dogs, for sure, but undistinguished by appellation.)

Second, the name “Dewey” met the requirement for having a strong, plosive first letter.  Soon enough, Dewey will be a working dog, earning his kibble in the duck blinds.  Such employment demands a name beginning with a burst of air that the beast will recognize and obey quickly.  Or so says Mr. Plath.  

That’s why we renamed our first Labrador retriever, Snooky.  We adopted him from a single mom with two unhealthy waif-like children.  She said her kids had developed allergies to Snooky.  Looking at their translucent skin and dark-rimmed eyes, it seemed plausible.  And, as we came to learn, he shed approximately one bushel basket of dander-laden hair daily.



At any rate, she advertised him for sale and we brought him home when he was 18 months old but not yet housetrained.  Maybe they were all allergic to dog pee. 

But I digress.  The point here is that we renamed him.  Mr. Plath could not envision himself hollering “Snooky!” when other hunters were calling out to Duke or Buddy or Butch.  Not enough machismo.  Or, no first letter burst.  However you choose to see it.

So Snooky became Ted, a wonderful field dog and stellar family companion summoned with near-perfect plosivity.





Could be that our mistake was in naming Dewey before we met him.  We couldn’t wait.  We aren’t those flower child parents who get to know their kids for days on end before they attach a moniker.  We didn’t take time to assess his essence and name him according to his spirit.  If we had, we might have called him Conan.  Or Pigpen.

We didn’t consult the What-to-Name-Your-Puppy books.

But let’s pretend we did.  Blogthings in retrospect, says of people and dogs named “Dewey”:  You are balanced, orderly and organized.  You like your ducks in a row. 

See?  Ducks in a row?!  We would have thought Dewey was the perfect name for our little fella.    

And here – You are friendly, charming, and warm.  So very true!  And to give him full credit, he pees outside and on demand.  He has a soft mouth.  Weeks ago he quit slicing us up like the chef at Benihana!  My wounds have all healed and only one left a mark.  He didn’t mean it. 



You are very charming... dangerously so.  Yes.  That little cock of your head and we forgive our injuries and the wasteland you have created in our formerly genteel yard. 

And finally, you are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
Surprising how interacting with you makes everything so sweet.  Dewey!




Friday, October 31, 2014

The Sally Field syndrome



 If you could only see me now, you’d know that I keep my palms up.


Between letters, of course.  Between pecking out each word on the keyboard, I always turn my palms up.

Sure, it slows me down, but it’s what all remarkably likeable people do.  So.  It’s my habit.  Totally unconscious.  Palms up – likeable me.

That’s one of the items I have checked off the list published by Robin Dreeke, former head of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Program and contributor to an article in Barking Up the Wrong Tree titled “How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert.”  Keep your palms up.

Dreeke should know, right?  After all, who doesn’t love an FBI agent?  Their dance cards are always full!

He talks about conversational techniques like actually listening to the other person instead of just waiting for your turn to talk.  But let’s continue with the basics:  non-verbals.



Palms up.  Oh, and don’t forget to smile.  In fact, if you want to increase your smile’s power – and who doesn’t? – smile slower. 

Slower?  Really?  Seems creepy, but OK.  We’re practicing our Cheshire Cat.



What’s next?  Elevated eyebrows?!  What the heck?

All right.  I’ll try it.  I just hope I don’t get that surprised look, the sure sign of an amateur facelift.  Seems like that would be off-putting, diametrically opposed to getting people to relax, and therefore making them like me, which is, of course, the goal.

I mean, picture it:  You and I are introduced in a social setting.  I take your right hand with my right hand and shake it while touching you non-sexually on the upper arm or shoulder with my left hand– following the FBI ‘like me’ protocol – and thereby deftly putting you at ease with my sincere display of friendly care and interest. 

Then, maintaining good, open, comfortable non-verbals, my palms return to their upward orientation. 

Whew!  This must be what it’s like on screening day at Quantico!

And I wonder how you, my potential target, uh, friend, feel when I expand my repertoire to include elevated eyebrows?  You might cautiously retrieve your hand and shoulder, take a step back to give me a curious once-over, your newest irresistibly affable amigo, and who would see?  Phyllis Diller?  Bozo?  Jack Nicholson?  Nancy Pelosi?!!



Those folks all have big smiles and perpetually elevated eyebrows, but I’m not sure people near them feel free of anxiety.  Think “The Shining,” or US Congress! 



Here I conclude my likeability score will be tied to the altitude of the elevation.  Therefore, I shall strive for Goldilocks eyebrows – not too high, not too low; elevated just enough to mesmerize you without tipping you off to my designs on your friendship.

OK.  So far, I’m smiling with palms up and elevated eyebrows. 

Now what’s this?  Chin down?  This is getting tricky, but I think I can manage it.  

According to Dreeke the rule of thumb in artificially friendly interactions is “anything going up and elevating is very open and comforting.  Anything that is compressing: lip compression, eyebrow compression, where you’re squishing down, that’s conveying stress.”

Well!  We, the seekers of love from all whom we encounter, can’t have that!  No siree!  We won’t be pursing our lips or squelching our facial muscles.  No!  We’re open!  We’re comfortable!  Our non-verbals convey only the sweetest and most inviting of false emotions!

One last thing:  “…if you can show a little bit of a head tilt, that’s always wonderful.”

Tilting head!?  Sure!  Right or left?  Say the word.  I’ll tilt.  No worries! 

I’m ready.  I’ve rehearsed.  I can do this.
 
It’s feeling a little unnatural, like I’m in a strait jacket on crutches, but hey!  It’s all for the worthwhile goal of being popular. 

Ah!  Here’s my opportunity to try the FBI’s system.  My new neighbor has stepped into the alley.  He’s looking this way.  Our eyes meet.

OK.  Here goes:  Deep breath.  Palms up.  Eyebrows lifted.  Smiling.  Slowly! 

Hello!  Let me shake your hand and touch your shoulder!  Come on!  Nice to meet you!



Hey!!  (Head tilted right.)  Where are you going?!  (Tilt left.)  You know you want to be my friend!  You know you like me! 

You really, really like me…