Land of the free; home of the sorta happy

I’m about to realize a life-long dream – moving to the Happiest Place on Earth!

I’ve had it with all this marginal joy!  It’s just not good enough.  Why settle for 16^th best?

That’s right.  The United States ranks 16^th among the top 25 happiest countries in the world, according to a study conducted by Juliana Breines, Ph.D. of Brandeis University and online source of good news, usually:  The GreaterGood Science Center:  The Science of a MeaningfulLife.

Our blissful country didn’t even make the middle of the pack of republics populated with gleeful peeps.  Nope.  This land of opportunity was topped by the likes of Finland and Bulgaria.  The Czech Republic!

My favorite guy is a Czechoslovakian and I’m a nervous wreck.  I took him home to meet my folks.  But my folks said they don’t accept Czechs.

Sorry.  I know I’m distracted.  I had to take a moment to process the news of my melancholy.

I had no idea.  It’s mortifying.  All this time.  Tripping along as though I were content! 

And who’s Number One?  Croatia!  That’s right!  That bright destination spot of the Eastern Bloc countries:  Croatia! 

OK.  Croatia is really #2 on the list following Costa Rica.  But everyone knows Costa Rica must be happy, right?  It’s no fun to write about that!

So – Croatia.  Based on this survey, moving to Croatia would constitute a 14 point jump on the contentment countdown.  In one fell swoop!  And who doesn’t love a fell swoop?

But when I think of Croatia, all I can picture is a damp World War II nation of blues and grays; head scarves; bad posture; plows strapped to tired horses in fields of … OK.  I’m a typical US citizen who knows virtually nothing about anything outside our borders, save Cancun and Cabo.

Speaking of which, why didn’t Mexico rate higher on the happiness index?  Oh wait.  It did.  #11.  Incredible.

Anyway, I looked it up.  Croatia…here it is:  Formerly a single party Socialist union; declared its independence from Yugoslavia in 1991; became totally cool thereafter.  Sunny beaches and high Human Development Index. 

Who knew?  The pictures are beautiful.  And they have a travel bureau.  I’m going to live there.

Or Denmark.  Denmark tops another international happiness survey carried out annually by Leicester University inEngland.  The US ranks 23^rd on that one, by the way.

What in the world could possibly make the home of Hamlet so much flippin’ fun?

CBS News talked to Professor Kaare Christensen at the University of SouthernDenmark, who found it odd too.  So he conducted a careful investigation and published his results in study called, “Why Danes are Smug.”

He says it's because they're so glum!  Wha??  They get happy when things turn out not quite so badly as they expected.

That’s it!  The key to Danish happiness:  Low expectations! 

Don’t aim for the moon, Frederik.  Be glad you get a filtered view on a cloudy night.  

Danish national anthem – sing along with me - Denmark, oh Denmark!  You could easily be worse!

I didn’t find a list where the US ranks first in anything except maybe list making.  We come in 6^th when compared to more individualistic cultures.  Those happiness measures tap personal accomplishments and self-esteem as sources of happiness.  Ffft!  

We score well in the category of “Flourishing,” a measure focused on individual achievement.  Sample question: “I am competent and capable in the activities that are important to me.”  The Croats couldn’t care less.

Yep.  Costa Rica and Croatia beat us out in Subjective Happiness.  They report that they are extremely happy.  We report we’re happy, kinda. 

Get this – in spite of Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram,LinkedIn and all that crapola, the Croats and the Costa Ricans score higher in Social Connections than we do.  What’s up with that?  I’m gonna unfriend them!

Low levels of Stress.  High Life Satisfaction.  Yadda yadda yadda.

So I guess they’re pretty laid back.  Denmark too.  I picture them all hanging out in their European cliques singing “Zippity Do Dah!”

It just makes me mad.  I mean where do they get off being happier than we are?  The very nerve!

I might just take my hard-earned American money and, and…  Maybe I’ll move to Disneyland.

Be gone bugaboos!

I will not think of a polar bear.

OK.  Your turn not to think of a polar bear.  Or a grizzly.

Stop it!  Stop thinking of the animals in the zoo.  No penguins for you!

No lions.  No tigers.  No bears!

Good.  That’s it.  That’s better. 

My mind is free at last.  I’ve been stuck on that bear thing ever since I read a quote from Dostoevsky:  “Try not to think of a polar bear and the cursed thing will come to mind every minute."

OOH!  There it is again!  Why did he have to say that?!  This is worse than visiting Disneyland and wandering innocently onto that ride…you know the one…It’s a Small World!

Hahahahaha!  It’s a small world after all! 

Good luck trying to get rid of that one!  It’s a musical earwig of the first order.  Now you’re in this with me! 

How can we rid ourselves of these persistent, unwanted thoughts! she cried, holding her ears and rocking her head from side to side.  Whatever should we do?

And so, not only for myself, but also for you, Dear Reader – in spite of the fact that I dragged you into this – in my deeply altruist manner, I sought expert assistance in resolving the problem of niggling, uninvited recurrent sentences repeated by the voices in my – in our – heads.

Maybe we’re replaying our most recent social gaff (I stick with the most recent.  Otherwise, the playlist is so long!)  Possibly it is that goof at work.  Perhaps we just can’t get off the front side of that back-handed compliment. 

We’re not crazy.  We’re just riding an irritating merry-go-round of repetitive proclamations.

So I went searching relief and came upon Daniel Wegner, Ph.D. of HarvardUniversity, the father of research into crazy-making circular thoughts.

Full disclosure – Right off the bat I found it disconcerting that he says thought suppression doesn’t work!  You can’t just push that annoying idea off the stage.  It’s going to return in the second act with renewed vigor and determination.

Wegner says the research has proved that again and again.  He actually said that – “again and again.”  Sounds like he couldn’t shake the thought that he could shake the thought.  He just had to keep on proving it to himself!  Hahahaha!

OK.  Maybe I shouldn’t take so much pleasure in that.  It’s funny that’s all.  Ironic.  The great mind in thought suppression.

Oh never mind.

He came up with lots of other ideas for dealing with the exasperating experience of recurring thoughts and I’ve brought them here for your edification even though one of the biggies was the most difficult to accept:

Wegner says if something that bugs you just keeps on bugging you, an effective strategy for getting rid of that infuriating gnat of a notion is to postpone it until later.

That’s right.  Wegner says that while continuously trying to suppress a thought only makes it come back stronger, deferring it until later can work.

Set aside your worrying until a designated 30-minute ‘worry period.’ 

Well that’s just groovy unless the thought that nags is that you procrastinate too much!  What do you have to say about that, Dr. Brainiac?  Wanna answer me later??

OK.  Here’s another one:  He calls it paradoxical therapy because it seems illogical that focusing in on a thought might help it go away, but research suggests it does.

What if, instead of trying to suppress a disquieting cyclical thought about, say, death, you head straight for it and concentrate on it?

Super!  I’ll just set aside about half an hour right before I go to sleep and concentrate on dying!  I feel better already! 

This approach is not for the faint-hearted, Wegner says, in an unfortunate choice of words, but what the hay!  Go ahead and try it!  Sweet dreams!

Or, be zen about it.  Just accept those thoughts.  Meditate on them says the guru.  “I want you to allow those soldiers to march by in front of you, like a little parade.  Do not argue with the signs, or make them go away.  Just watch them march by.”

I don’t know. 


Maybe I’ll go with my first idea and his last one:  Have a pesky thought?  Write about it.